trauma

that little dog won't get out of my head.

I keep picturing it over and over and its really effecting my mood and my ability to concentrate.

I've been driving ridiculously slow everywhere in fear that a dog or cat will run in front of my car and I won't be able to stop...slow to the point of being annoying not only to everyone behind me, but also to myself.

I feel guilty whenever I look at Joey cuz I have him and those two little girls don't have their little love anymore.

and its really hard for me to drive past the little bloodstain on Bockman.

...i'm pretty sure I've been traumatized.





on a lighter note, there was a guest leader at my weight watchers meeting today. A really motivating, jolly old man named Frank who kept calling me "dearheart". He reminded me of my Nanu.

he certainly brightened up my day :)

oh oh, I almost forgot! Me and my mom went to the new farmer's market at the old Mervyn's parking lot. It was small, but really nice...we got some amazing raspberries and strawberries along with some white plums, some vegetables, and a bag of whole wheat pita bread.

you should check it out next weekend..they even had fresh kettle corn, a live band, and barbecue!

Life

I witnessed the fragility of life today.

It was terrible.

I was driving down Bockman on my way to Chabot to sell back some books (which they didn't even buy back! those bitches.) when I saw this Hispanic mother and her two daughters on the sidewalk. It seemed as though their little white doggy had gotten out and they were trying to catch him. then the saddest thing happened: the little dog darted into the street and under the wheels of a PG&E truck. The poor little guy was crushed from the neck up and his little tail was wagging and back legs were still kicking (most likely due to stray nerve impulses being translated as muscle movements). I almost got sick when i saw it happen. I still keep picturing that poor little dog dying and its family watching him helplessly. After the initial shock, I immediatly started bawling. I couldn't help myself. I kept thinking about about the dog, the family, and the poor driver who couldn't stop in time. He pulled over after it happened, but I can only imagine how guilty he felt.

I understand that it was "just a dog" and these things "happen all the time" but I personally consider my dogs a part of my family and I would be devastated to whitness their untimely and gruesome deaths. I would fall apart.

It really made me consider how quickly life can end. We are all a breath away from the end of our lives and we really should live life to the fullest. That little dog was happily running along when he met his end and I'm sure, like most dogs, he loved and lived his life to the fullest.

In other words, love, laugh, and appreciate what you've got, you never know when it will all be taken away.


poor little doggy. He's in heaven with Charlie now...

friendship

I am sorely disappointed in the caliber of friend that I've chosen throughout my life.

Don't get me wrong, right now I have some wonderful friends that I've met through my boyfriend, but that's exactly what they are: my boyfriend's friends. They are great people and it seems like they like my company and care about Jarrod and I and thats nice. I just wish the people that I had chosen throughout my life had been more honest and loyal. Ashley is a wonderful friend and I love her to death and this post has nothing to do with her. She's always been there for me and even when he had our huge fight, we worked it out because that's what real friends do.

Its the other friends who don't return my calls, who don't bother to let me know that they won't make it to a special event in my life that deserves celebration after promising they would come. And in one case, forcing unltimatums on me to ensure their attendance. I had to ask one of my oldest friends not to bring his girlfriend to my party because of some stupid drama so another one of my oldest friends would come to my graduation party from UC Berkeley. So I did the awkward, uncomfprtable deed of asking Jon not to bring Courntey...who really is a nice girl...so that Matt would come, because his problem with Jon and Courtney outweighs his friendship with me. Then he didn't even show up. what the fuck? This was such a huge day for me and he knew it and he didn't even show up. The least he could have done was called and let me know he couldnt make it. He even texted me half way through the party to make sure Courtney wasn't there? How am I supposed to feel? He hasn't even called or texted me back to give me a reason. I'm so hurt.

All my best friends seem to do this to me. They all either leave me behind or stab me in the back. All of them except Ashley. She stuck around.

I may just give up on getting close to people.





What a stupid downer blog. On a lighter note, I have work today at my new job (which i am actually already starting to dislike. hahaha oh gosh)

OMG

I can't wait to move out.


I really feel like my relationship with my parents will improve.

Threading

Ashley took me to get my eyebrows threaded at Shiva Salon in Fremont...it was awesome!!!!

It costs $5 and the lady took two strands of thread wrapped around each other and used them to shape and clean up my eyebrows. I have so much trouble with shaping them myself and they came out so good when she did them. I would totally recommend it to anyone...especially if you already pay to get them waxed...why not try something new and see if you like it? I mean, you really can't beat the price and it hurt as bad as plucking...which really isn't bad at all.


check it out!!!

Yarrrr

Haven't written in a while.


I've been oh so busy with work and school. The semester is winding down, therefore, the workload is winding up!! I've been pretty stressed lately trying to study, find a job, keep up with the bf and friends and trying to figure out what to do with my life!

In regards to what Im going to do with my life, I've got it down to one of three options: 1. Physician Assistant 2. Nurse Practitioner 3. Optometrist...weird combo, right? Hopefully I can figure it out soon...

On the job front...well...I got one!! Woo hoo! Although, it may not be the most glamorous, it's better than nothing: I'll be working as a hostess at Chili's until they bump me up to server. I know...its lame. I graduated from one of the most prestigious universities in the country if not the world, and Im working at fucking Chili's.

whatev. Im off to go try and get an extra ticket for my graduation so Jarrod can come. They only gave us five! Anyways...wish me luck.