"Well behaved women

rarely make history."



I love Marilyn Monroe

fatty

Why am I having such a hard fucking time losing weight and anna can lose 22lbs so fast? That lucky beetch. I need to really crack down. hardcore. starting NOW.


who's with me? Im walking with my girlfriends tomorrow and hitting the gym in the am on friday...probably around 10 or 11...anyone wanna join me? lemme know.

I'm gonna try to hit the gym tonight after work, too...working out at least 5 times a week and eating super healthy as often as I can is my new goal. I need this so bad. I really think its starting to affect my relationship. I was such a happy person when I was happy with my appearance, I want that self esteem and confidence back.

Chili's

I think my job is making me depressed. It's damaging to my self esteem and pride to be 22 years old, a graduate from one of the most prestigious universities in the country, and to work at Chili's as a hostess while 18 year olds who barely finished high school get more hours than me and make more money that me. I need a new job. I really feel terrible about my situation right now. At first it wasn't so bad, now its really getting to me. I need to find something that fits my school schedule and my intellect. I am just really depressed right now and I can't figure out what it is...I know that the job isn't helping, though.

you know

for you I'd bleed myself dry.



If you haven't heard Jem's version of Coldplay's "Yellow" you need to. I have it on my myspace...check it: http://www.myspace.com/amykabob

Dear little baby jesus,

please bless me with the money to move out of my parent's house.




i need a change. desperately. I find myself being unhappy here more often than not lately, like no one understands me. I know I can be hard to live with, but not everything that comes out of my mouth is nearly as evil as they imagine. its like no matter what I say or do it gets taken the wrong way, and I know its because I can be hard to live with and I have a short fuse, but still. I'm not a horrible person...even though my own family may think i am from time to time.


PS- going to Yosemite in a couple weeks. One of the most beautiful places in the country...possible even the world.

trauma

that little dog won't get out of my head.

I keep picturing it over and over and its really effecting my mood and my ability to concentrate.

I've been driving ridiculously slow everywhere in fear that a dog or cat will run in front of my car and I won't be able to stop...slow to the point of being annoying not only to everyone behind me, but also to myself.

I feel guilty whenever I look at Joey cuz I have him and those two little girls don't have their little love anymore.

and its really hard for me to drive past the little bloodstain on Bockman.

...i'm pretty sure I've been traumatized.





on a lighter note, there was a guest leader at my weight watchers meeting today. A really motivating, jolly old man named Frank who kept calling me "dearheart". He reminded me of my Nanu.

he certainly brightened up my day :)

oh oh, I almost forgot! Me and my mom went to the new farmer's market at the old Mervyn's parking lot. It was small, but really nice...we got some amazing raspberries and strawberries along with some white plums, some vegetables, and a bag of whole wheat pita bread.

you should check it out next weekend..they even had fresh kettle corn, a live band, and barbecue!

Life

I witnessed the fragility of life today.

It was terrible.

I was driving down Bockman on my way to Chabot to sell back some books (which they didn't even buy back! those bitches.) when I saw this Hispanic mother and her two daughters on the sidewalk. It seemed as though their little white doggy had gotten out and they were trying to catch him. then the saddest thing happened: the little dog darted into the street and under the wheels of a PG&E truck. The poor little guy was crushed from the neck up and his little tail was wagging and back legs were still kicking (most likely due to stray nerve impulses being translated as muscle movements). I almost got sick when i saw it happen. I still keep picturing that poor little dog dying and its family watching him helplessly. After the initial shock, I immediatly started bawling. I couldn't help myself. I kept thinking about about the dog, the family, and the poor driver who couldn't stop in time. He pulled over after it happened, but I can only imagine how guilty he felt.

I understand that it was "just a dog" and these things "happen all the time" but I personally consider my dogs a part of my family and I would be devastated to whitness their untimely and gruesome deaths. I would fall apart.

It really made me consider how quickly life can end. We are all a breath away from the end of our lives and we really should live life to the fullest. That little dog was happily running along when he met his end and I'm sure, like most dogs, he loved and lived his life to the fullest.

In other words, love, laugh, and appreciate what you've got, you never know when it will all be taken away.


poor little doggy. He's in heaven with Charlie now...